Embracing the Exhaustion

I hate Mondays.

No, really. I hate them. On the order of getting pre-Monday anxiety every Sunday night. And the Mondays that happen once every two weeks, those are the worst. It means more stress at the office, and no matter how fast I work, it never gets all done. And this Monday had the added bonus of starting my day explaining to my pharmacist that he should have conferred with my doctor or me before deciding that it was too soon to fill a prescription rather than trying to figure out for himself how much insulin I need.

It felt like I was on the phone and people were streaming in and out of my office constantly. I’m grateful for the leftovers that were left over from Sunday dinner. It’s rare when I do this but I’m already in my jammies for the night. I’m going to sit and NOT watch TV for a while, and maybe knit a few stitches and soak in the silence for a while.

Tomorrow is another day. But tonight, I’m turning off.

Sigh…

scary closeup

scary closeup

Ever have one of those days where you bite your lip and it REALLY hurts, but you keep biting it, over and over, because it’s puffy and just in the way? Haha, yeah that’s my life today. It seems like nothing I did turned out right. I didn’t knit a stitch. I think that might be the root of the problem. And the project I was working on for work fought me every step of the way. It was a complex document, with many sections, and a series of other documents at the end. The main document had its own styles for headings and subheadings and such, and the other documents, which are examples of forms and such, had styles all their own. So of course nothing played nice with each other and I fought and struggled with it for hours before giving up. I hate it that I’ve been using Microsoft Word for 10 years now and I still don’t always get how it works. I wish I could still use WordPerfect. Complex documents were so much easier back in the day… sigh. So I feel like my gum-and-band aids attempt at fixing this document was less than ideal. Which makes for the feeling of a giant, wasted day. A giant, wasted day with no knitting.

I should know better.

I’m itching to cast on something new. I want to work on my Girasole blanket or the Coraline cardigan. I must, however, avoid the urge. I have so many other things to finish! Sigh. And more yarn’s coming tomorrow. I have visions of tiny flowers on a greeting card…

My brain’s a busy place.

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Another Boring Sunday…

payin' bills, and loving it

payin' bills, and loving it

Today’s been a quiet day around the house. I’ve gotten exactly one half of one row knit. I’m supposed to be paying bills, and I will, but I thought I would blog first.

Tomorrow’s the first day back to school after a 10-day spring break. As usual, the mom and dad are glad to be getting back to some semblance of routine, but the kids? Not so much… BoyZilla just had a twelfth-degree meltdown, figuring that if he didn’t go to bed, then maybe tomorrow wouldn’t come. I know kid, ends of vacations bite. Suck it up.

I’m teleworking tomorrow, and I’m glad, because I really hate Mondays. Don’t tell the BoyZilla, but I have a colossal meltdown EVERY Sunday night, only a telework Monday seems to soften the blow. At least a little.

Spring seems to be making an earnest attempt at hanging around now, which makes me happy. And the pool is opening in about a month already, and I’m kinda kicking myself. This year has flown by! (My mother told me it happens when you get older… it sucks, doesn’t it?)

The thing is that this was the year I kept telling myself that there were a lot of things I was going to fix. So far, none have really happened. Get organized. Exercise. Eat well. Lose weight. (A LOT of weight.) Sleep more than three or four hours at a time. Be nicer to people. Sounds like quite a list, doesn’t it?

That’s the problem. My list is so long, I don’t even know where to start. I feel pretty alone and overwhelmed by my goals most of the time. So it’s like I have them on a shelf, right next to me. I can see the goals nearby, staring at me and taunting me. I know, I should tackle them one by one, and in little bits at a time. And then I think that they’re ALL so pressing, each one needs to come first. They’re all important. I’d probably feel better if I just somehow did all of the things on my list, and then so much more would be possible because I did. And yet, it’s all too overwhelming.

So what do I do? I blog. And I knit. And I generally spend too much time on the computer, pushing all of the things I really need to do out of my mind, and out of the way.

It’s not what I’m supposed to be doing and it’s not really working. Someday, I’ll sort it all out. But for now, I gotta pay bills. Argh! See you later.

And now, I leave you with a smile:

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Day One

Well the new year started off with a bang around here. I was up most of the night not feeling well, and consequently spent most of the day asleep. Not the good kind of all snuggled up in bed sleep, but the kind that would find me in the middle of writing an e-mail and waking up to discover that somehow an hour had disappeared. Yuck.

Consequently the knitting I had planned to do today went right out the window.

I hope your New Year’s Day has been more exciting than mine! I’m yawning again so I think I’m going to bed for the night. I’ve got a new Episode of Cast On to keep me company if for some reason sleep eludes me again. Then, if all goes well, I’ll get up tomorrow morning and put on a pot of stew in my new crock pot that my mom gave me for Christmas. And I’ll knit. I have a hat to finish for an anxious little girl — the one who’s really not so little anymore and for whom teenagehood will arrive in 2009.

Yikes.

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