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Avoidance…

It’s been a long couple of weeks at the Casa de Trish Knits.

Tegan
Tegan
This is the blog post I hoped against hope I’d never have to write. And yet, daring to hope such a thing is useless in its pursuit, because, as you know, mere humans do not possess the power to stop the circle of life from turning. On Monday October 11, I lost my best friend. Not a friend who had ever shared a gab session about what we saw on Oprah the other day or one who shared complaints about kids, job, or the husband. In fact, this friend had not the capacity to ever speak my name.

And yet, she was the true-bluest of friends, in every sense of the word. She rarely left my side, even in my most private of moments when I would have locked the door to keep the kids out, but not her. She gave freely of hugs, complained loudly, and often, and shared my interest in yarn and writing creative Facebook status updates (especially when I was on deadline and trying to code web pages instead).

She was a true lover of cheese and of warm, sunny spots on the rug. Empty boxes were a favorite distraction, and climbing. WAY high, to tallest place she could find, only to cry because she could not get down again. Very demanding of my full attention was she, and, at the same time, she asked nothing of me. Not much more than a safe home, good food (including the occasional steak!) and lots and lots of hugs. All were so easily given.

On the last morning of her life, when she was moving so slowly and refusing her breakfast, I took a brief nap before a noontime errand. Though she could barely move by that time, she climbed up, so she could whisper into my ear one last time.

She was begging me to let her go.

And so I did. With a heavy heart and many tears I held her as she breathed her last on this world. Knowing that the last touch she would feel was mine brings some comfort, but the hole left behind in my heart is enormous. I hope that someday soon I can speak her name with smiles and not tears .

Tegan Sleeping
Tegan Sleeping
Tegan.

I’ll miss you.

8 responses to “Avoidance…”

  1. Jen Avatar

    I am very sorry for your loss. Don’t feel you have to push yourself to do anything you’re not ready for; everyone grieves in their own way, in their own time.

  2. Araignee Avatar

    What a beautiful tribute. My deepest sympathies. From experience I know that filling that void can help ease the pain, when YOU are ready. The hole in my heart just got filled with not one-but seven rescue kitties. The cycle of life indeed…..

  3. Deb Avatar
    Deb

    I’m so deeply sorry for your loss. This is one of the nicest tributes to a fur-baby that I have ever read. Peace.

  4. Ida Avatar

    Tegan was a lucky cat to have shared your life, and I know you feel blessed to have shared hers. I lost one of my cats the day after Tegan crossed the Rainbow Bridge, and I feel your pain.

  5. Sara Avatar

    {{{HUGS}}} It’s so hard to lose a loved one. 🙁

  6. Marty Avatar

    So sad-animals love us unconditionally, I think that’s one reason it’s so hard to let them go.

  7. Jean Avatar
    Jean

    Dear Trish, My deepest condolences. I have walked in your shoes a few times and it is always sad. I lost Maui Elizabeth when she was 22 years old. She followed me everywhere. Never left my side. I hope one day to see her again when I cross Rainbow Bridge. as you say, they are truly our bestest friend with little hearts of pure gold. Will say a few prayers for Tegan. Jean

  8. Kristen Atkinson Avatar

    Tegan was a lucky cat to have shared your life, and I know you feel blessed to have shared hers. I lost one of my cats the day after Tegan crossed the Rainbow Bridge, and I feel your pain.

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